Thursday, December 07, 2006

My letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

About a week ago, I wrote you a note on behalf of my eldest daughter outlining her Christmas wishes. And while I can hardly wait for her to receive the baby doll carseat (for Blanket), the TMX Elmo and the train table, I thought maybe, if it’s not too much trouble, you could pack your sleigh with a few things for Yours Truly.

After all, I’ve been pretty good this year. Sure, I’ve maybe yelled at my kids a bit more than I’d like, but I’ve also read them endless stories, played countless rounds of hide and seek and logged many hours when no human should rightfully be awake rubbing Peanut’s back or standing with the twenty-something pound Loaf pressed against my chest until either one was finally again in a sound sleep.

I also stopped short of flipping off that guy who cut me off in traffic last night, causing me to slam on my brakes. I also did not smack the idiot check-out girl at Kohl's yesterday who deemed it too much trouble to say hello, look me in the eye for even 1 second or thank me for shopping at that shitty store (sorry, I'm working on the cursing). Unless I’m in the most pressing type of rush, I hold the door for other people and say “thank you” when others hold it for me. I am usually kind to people, even when they don't deserve it, and always to animals. I reduce, reuse and recycle. I respond to all my emails in a prompt manner (I'm working on returning phone calls with the same promptness, but I swear it's not intentional).

So please, here are a few of the things my heart most desires. I hope you’ll take my wishes under consideration:

1. A clone – I really need this so I can devote more time to my kids, to work, to my husband and to myself. A clone would also prevent me from taking half a week to respond to a simple meme when tagged by the fabulous Mrs. Chicken. As an alternative, you could lengthen the day. I’m sure I’m not the only one who would appreciate that.

2. A good, reliable babysitter—We’re looking now so just give us a little magic blessing and hopefully we’ll find the right person so that we can start having date nights more than twice a year. Maybe one of the elves or Mrs. Claus is looking to pick up some off-season work?

3. A six pack—I’m not talking beer here. I want flat, hard abs. And I’d like to get them while still eating the occasional pizza and chocolate. I’m counting on you for this one.

4. A crate of Dove Dark Chocolate—See above.

5. My sweet baby girl back—This preschooler? This wild, 3-and-a-half-year-old, talking back, throwing things, having hissy fits, and dramatically screaming “NOOOO! I DON’T WANT TO!” is not nearly as much fun as the sweet ray of sunshine I birthed and raised for three years prior to this month. Please help.

6. Children who sleep—You know, I really think I’ve paid my dues on this one. There was Peanut, who would not nap anywhere but in my arms for the six months of her life. And then Loaf, who did not sleep through the night (and technically still doesn’t) until she was over a year old. And lately? Peanut getting up at 4:30 a.m. and Loaf crying in her crib for an hour and half instead of napping and then crying again from about 3 to 4 a.m. is really sucking. I just want them to sleep from 8:30 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. every night until they are out of the house. I don’t think that’s asking too much, do you?

7. World peace—What’s a wish list without this one? I’d be remiss to include it.

8. A play room—I can’t tell you how happy it would make me to wake up Christmas morning to find a large Play Room complete w/ storage bins, shelves, a blackboard, and indescructible carpeting attached to my house. While you’re at it, why not tack on a mud room too? I’m sick of tripping over the 18 pairs of shoes piled at front door.

OK. I know some of that stuff is probably asking a bit much. I mean really? A clone? A child that doesn’t talk back? World peace? I realize these things might be a bit difficult to attain, so I’ll end my list with something a little more manageable that I’m confident can be bought and purchased in an actual brick-and-mortar store:

2RL20524_z

So really, that’s it. I know it’s a lot, but if there’s anyone who can deliver, I figure it’s gotta be a man who zips around the world in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer, dropping off toys to all the good girls and boys without ever once being sighted or getting lost. Thanks Santa! Looking forward to Christmas morning!

Now, tag to Diane!

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2 Comments:

Blogger Mrs. Chicken said...

HAHA ... Ditto to your whole list. Thanks for playing! I love your idea for a clone. I need one, too - although I think that might make Mr. Chicken a little crazy. :)

2:13 PM  
Blogger scribbit said...

Yea, I'm all for world peace too but can I say that ring is fabulous? I've never been big on jewelry but that is certainly a beauty. :) A clone wouldn't be bad though, very useful.

11:45 PM  

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