My fingers fly over the keyboard. I am lost in my thoughts. The house is silent.
My girls are outside playing in the yard on the first rain-free day we’ve had since the middle of last week. I am grateful for the silence. I need to focus. I need them to entertain themselves for a while.
Every so often I get up and peek out the window. The yard is fenced and private, but I need to make sure they are safe, happy and unhurt. They are playing in the front. They are happy and engaged.
I return to my seat, relieved that I have a few more minutes to focus on my work.
The next time I check, they’re no longer in the front. I step outside and walk down the path that runs along the front of the house. When I reach the driveway, I spy them. They are in the far end of the yard, near the barn.
They are holding hands and running. They are barefoot – galloping in unison through the grass. Their dresses swirl around their legs. Their hair flies back from their faces. They stop by the pond, momentarily pause, then spin and run back toward the house.
Now that they face me, I can see they are smiling – huge smiles that force their eyes wide. I watch. I feel the sudden sting of tears in my eyes.
I look at my daughters in their (unplanned) coordinated purple and fuschia dresses, running in the grass and laughing and my heart swells with love, family and grace. I thank God silently for the gifts I have, the joy I feel. The incredible life I’ve been granted.
The love I feel watching them is palatable – physical. I can taste it on my lips and feel it in my chest. It courses through my blood, tingles the nerves in my arms. My chest is heavy with it - a block of wood.
I could cry with it. Or laugh maniacally with it. Or both.
It fills me head to toe. I watch them – my children. My life. The love I have for them fills me head to toe. I feel it swell from top to bottom. My heart feels like it could burst. Never did I ever dream of a love like this.
I look up at the steel gray sky and whisper a prayer of thanks. For this moment. This day. This life.
I take a deep breath. A tear rolls down my cheek. I exhale.
And then I run to them.