Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Connected

It is early. I open one eye and squint at the clock.

6:38 a.m.

Loaf is nestled in the bed next to me breathing deeply.

For anyone keeping track, she is still not sleeping in her own bed.

This is just as much our fault as hers. We are too tired, some may even say lazy, to change the situation, so we live with it.

In the words of a parenting expert whose workshop I attended last fall, “Why make a bad situation worse?”

I close my eyes and try to grab just a few more minutes of sleep, but I already know it is a lost cause. My mind is racing with to-dos and plans. Still, I lie there. Enjoying the dark and the silence broken only by my sleeping daughter’s rhythmic breathing.

Minutes pass and Loaf begins to stir. She stretches and sighs. She turns over, then over again. She places her hand on my forearm and I turn toward her, placing my hand over hers.

I slowly open my eyes. We are face-to-face, inches apart. She is looking directly at me. I lift my hand in the air and she places hers against mine – palm to palm.

Bits of daylight are just beginning to stream through cracks in the curtains giving the room only the slightest hint of definition. Our hands look like silhouettes – black cut outs from a preschool art class – pressed against each other.

I fold my fingers on top of hers, then straighten them again. She moves her hand slightly so our fingers are staggered, then curls them around my hand, before returning to the flat palm-on-palm position.

We don’t speak.
We don’t even look at each other.
But we are undoubtedly, totally, connected.

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8 Comments:

Blogger ryssee said...

You don't get those moments if you give them up willingly. I'd probably do the same thing, or not, maybe I'd be too annoyed. But either way, it's not like you're gonna get much more sleep either way, so keep those beautiful rewards. You only get the first few years those first few years.

10:00 PM  
Blogger alejna said...

Oh, the warm fuzziness of it.

I find it comforting to learn that Loaf is still sleeping in your bed. Theo sleeps halfway through the night in a crib, then wakes up and I take him into bed with me. While part of me craves more restful sleep, part of me really treasures the together time.

This post was just beautiful.

10:24 PM  
Anonymous Vanessa Wasko said...

Luke still sleeps with us every night, too. He starts in his own bed, but he always stumbles down the stairs to our bed :-) When they get older, they won't do that anymore, so I treasure these moments.

11:14 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

Those moments are the best and the ones I try to seer into my memory.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Momisodes said...

Those are the moments that make it all worth it. We struggled terribly with our daughter with her sleeping. But in retrospect, sharing those moments together were so special.

9:59 PM  
Blogger 有趣 said...

相見亦無事,不來常思君..................................................

11:03 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

I still doze in Buster's room until he's asleep. I know I should teach him to get to sleep by himself, but he's so cute . . .

12:06 AM  
Blogger Magpie said...

This is why I don't mind that my kidlet climbs into my bed most nights.

12:29 PM  

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