If only everything was this clear

My mom, brother and stepfather visited this weekend.

On Friday, Peanut busts into the bathroom while my mom was in there (I guess Grandmothers are not immune to this, sorry mom) and declares, "Grandma's using the potty."

That's right, says my mom. "Are you going to use the potty?" she asks Peanut.

Without missing a beat the little imp replies, "Not today, Grandma."

Thanks anyway for asking. :-/

What goes around . . .

For the last 10 months, aka "her entire life," Loaf has had to endure a string of injustices at the hands of Peanut including being pushed, pulled, dragged, kicked at, slapped and having toys yanked away with no warning.

When poor Loaf was only about a week old, I had her in a bouncy seat on the kitchen floor while I made my lunch. Peanut was playing nearby and all seemed to be quite calm in the worlds of my offspring. All of a sudden I heard an awful "ECK, ECK" sound from the baby and looked up to see Peanut shoving a baby spoon waaay down poor Loafie's throat. "Peanut feed baby," she explained to me later.

Well, it seems Loaf is Mad as Hell about all of this and Is Not Going to Take It Anymore. A couple of days ago she was sitting on the floor happily playing with some toy, when Peanut comes out of nowhere, plops down next to her and grabs the toy away. That must have been the straw that broke the Loafie's back, because she leaned over and bit Peanut quite hard on the thigh. No broken skin, but she left a big, wet ring on Peanut's pants.

The look on Peanut's face was priceless - in the realm of: "What did I do to deserve this?" Oh baby. You really don't want to ask that question.

My big debut!

So I'm a few years late to the blog party, but like they say: better late than never. To get things started, here are 102 random facts about me:
1. I'm 30-something.
2. I'll be married 7 years in September.
3. I dated my husband for 11 years before we got married.
4. My friends all told me I was crazy for waiting that long, but I knew it was right.
5. Leading up to our engagement, I caught about a dozen bouquets at various weddings.
6. That whole "next one to get married thing?" Big. Fat. Lie.
7. I was born in western Massachusetts.
8. I have lived in NJ for 11 years.
9. I will never be a Jersey girl.
10. I have two girls ages 2.5 and 10 months.
11. For the purposes of this blog I will call them Peanut (age 2.5) and Loaf (10 months).
12. I love cats.
13. I have two currently.
14. One is 22 years old and still pretty spry.
15. That's 84 in people years.
16. If I live to be 84, I hope I can still find the toilet on my own since this cat's poop-to-litter-box ratio is about 1 in 4. :-/
17. We have a dog too.
18. He is the world's dumbest dog.
19. His favorite activities are farting, stealing food off the kitchen table, vomiting at 2 a.m. and scratching at the door 20 seconds after he's been let outside.
20. I don't think I am a dog person.
21. I actually like exercise.
22. I just wish I had more time to do it.
23. I love the beach, but I don't let myself get tan anymore.
24. The dermatologist who told me my oily skin would never wrinkle? Big. Fat. Liar.
25. I am only 5'3".
26. I wish I were taller.
27. I also wish I had longer legs.
28. But I really like my eyes and lips.
29. I have an amazing relationship with my mom, but a very fractured one with my dad.
30. My dad is whipsmart and funny, but emotionally unavailable.
31. He served in Vietnam.
32. While there he was shot in the spine and paralyzed.
33. I would love to see my dad walk someday.
34. I have a half-brother from my mom's second marriage.
35. He's trying for a spot on the 2008 Olympic team for judo. (Good luck Natey!)
36. My husband is one of the most amazing people I've ever known.
37. He is an incredible partner and father.
38. I love him more all the time.
39. One of my pet peeves is people who complain all the time about their life circumstances but never do anything to change them.
40. Another is tailgaters.
41. Learning to tailgate must be part of the driving exam here in NJ, because everyone does it.
42. I could eat a pint of ice cream every day if it wasn't so fattening.
43. I applied to be on Survivor 4.
44. My new favorite show is Lost.
45. I have never broken a bone.
46. I've had two surgeries: removal of wisdom teeth and c-section for my first daughter.
47. I had 5 wisdom teeth, all impacted.
48. When I was 7 I was hit by a car.
49. OK, technically, I didn't look and ran into the side of the car as it passed by my bus stop, but it sounds more exciting the other way.
50. I have one tattoo, which I got when I was 33.
51. I would like to get another someday.
52. Lately, I've been fantasizing about getting my nose pierced, but I know I'll never do it.
53. I've visited 34 states.
54. I'd like to get to all 50.
55. The most exotic place I've ever visited is Tunisia in North Africa.
56. I love to take pictures.
57. When I was young, I wanted to be a photographer for National Geographic.
58. Now I take pictures (thousands so far) of my kids.
59. My kids are the only people for whom I will sing.
60. I am possibly the world's worst singer.
61. I am terrified of heights.
62. Someday I want to go skydiving.
63. I am a political independent, but tend to vote Democrat (though right now I'm disgusted with the leaders of both major parties).
64. I have never smoked a cigarette or tried drugs.
65. I don't even drink coffee.
66. Though I love a good cup of tea.
67. And a nice glass of red wine.
68. Yellow Tail Shiraz is my favorite wine.
69. We eat almost exclusively all natural and/or organic food in our house.
70. I love to garden.
71. My favorite flowers in my garden are phlox, echinachea and rudbekia.
72. The National Wildlife Federation
has certified our backyard habitat as a nature habitat.
73. That means very little, but the sign is cool. :-)
74. I am terrified of spiders and centipedes.
75. But I regularly rescue small animals, including mice, from our cat.
76. I think a mouse I rescued last fall took up residence under our fridge.
77. It took all winter to get the damn thing out.
78. I love trashy celebrity magazines.
79. I also love the New York Times
and Wall Street Journal.
80. I've kept a handwritten journal for over a decade.
81. This blog will not replace that.
82. I am addicted to Blistex.
83. I rarely wear perfume, but when I do I love Philosophy's Baby Grace.
84. Before I had kids, I had something in the neighborhood of 50 houseplants.
85. I'm down to about 20 now.
86. I hate scary movies.
87. I can't even watch the previews for some of them without being majorly freaked out.
88. I skip over scary promos with Tivo. (Best. Invention. Ever.)
89. I sleep like a corpse: flat on my back with my hands on my chest.
90. I have slept like that for as long as I can remember.
91. I have brown hair.
92. My hair has been all shades of red and black (once by mistake), but never blonde.
93. I love shoes.
94. And lipsticks.
95. I probably own 25 different lipsticks.
96. However I wear the same two nearly every day.
97. Someday I would like to own a beach house.
98. My husband hates the beach.
99. I want one anyway.
100. Christmas is my favorite holiday.
101. I love getting together with my entire family.
102. When I own my beach house, I will invite my entire family there for Christmas (sorry, Markus).