2006? CHECK! NEXT!

At this time of year, I like to reflect on what I achieved in the previous 365 days and start thinking about what I can do better or smarter in the future.

Last year around this time, I vowed to accomplish four things:

1. Firm up and shed 10 pounds.
2. Cut back on TV.
3. Grow a veggie garden this summer.
4. Get more organized around the house.

1. Firm up and shed 10 pounds.
Check. Since joining the gym in July I’ve lost 10 pounds and dropped one to two sizes depending on the cut of the clothes. I am fitter, stronger and feel much better about myself.

NEXT? Well, 10 pounds is good, but I’m afraid my body is the victim of, as a friend once said, the post-birthing “shift and drift.” Meaning? Areas that once were not my best aren’t so bad now, but other areas (ahem - ABS!) still need a lot of work. So weight loss and increased fitness will surely remain on my list of 2007 goals*.

2. Cut back on TV.
Check. Yes, I still watch TV, but not nearly as much as I used to. The only shows I watched with any regularity this year were Lost, The Daily Show, The Office, Desperate Housewives, The Apprentice and The Nine (which, piss me off, has been cancelled. Fuckers.)

I also “watch” a half hour of Sesame Street on a daily basis, but I’m just not counting that and you can’t make me. Axed from regular viewing were Survivor, The Amazing Race, American Idol, 24 and Dancing With the Stars.

NEXT? I will definitely stay on this track and I’d like to get back to reading on a regular basis instead of goofing—um, I mean, spending quality time on the computer. Though, I must admit, I’m really looking forward to Grease: You’re the One That I Want. At least I know that one won’t get cancelled before we find out what happened in the bank. (Fuckers.)

3. Grow a vegetable garden
Not even so much as one lone tomato seed found its way into the ground at my hands. I never even gave this a shot. Time, energy and ambition ran out this summer.

NEXT? Eh. Maybe. Honestly my desire for fresh snap peas is far outweighed by much more pressing priorities around the house.

4. Get more organized around the house.
Oh yes. My house is always clean. Papers are always neatly filed away. I am never running around at the last minute looking for lost shoes or keys or coats or my purse. Balanced, hot, nutritious meals are always served promptly at 6:30 p.m.

What the hell was I thinking with this one? Organized?? Lately, I’m just happy that each day passes without having to visit the ER.

NEXT? I’d love to have a more organized home life, but I really need to give that some thought and try to figure out how to break this very large goal down into more manageable chunks. If anyone has any suggestions, I’d be thrilled.

So I had a 50% success rate, which I guess isn’t awful. Though it surely is not great either. Hopefully I can do a little better next year.

*Official list to be released later this week.

Mean old grinchy Mommy

I took down the tree today. As much as I loved it, its time had come. We put it up on Decemeber 2, and its odds of spontaneously combusting were starting to scare the piss out of me. You couldn't even brush against it without about 98 needles falling on the ground. So you can imagine the unbelieveable mess that resulted from plucking off all the ornaments, garland and lights. It looked like a pine forest exploded on my living room floor.

After sweeping and vacuuming for about 45 minutes, there are still plenty of needles laying around. I know without a doubt I'll still be finding stragglers in a month.

After it came down, Mark said to Peanut, "Where is the Christmas tree?"

Peanut: It's on the front step. Mommy put it out there.

Mark: Yeah, Mommy took the tree down because she's mean.

Nice. Really. Freakin'. Nice.

When she needs therapy in 10 years to deal with the memories of her "mean" mommy, I'll be sure the bill comes out of his mid-life crisis sports car fund.

Apparently, it really is better to give than to receive

Just ask my family.

Because this is the girls' haul from my family in Massachusetts (and the big man in the red suit, of course). This does not count so much as a candy cane from Mark's side of the family (we exchange with them this coming Saturday). Nor does it count the monstrous train table we had waiting back for them here.



Peanut says: "Whoa! Can you believe this haul! I am totally stoked!"

My family is sooo amazingly generous. I miss you all already. Mwah!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

We're off this morning to see my family in Massachusetts for the holiday!

Have a wonderful, safe and peaceful Christmas everyone. I'm hoping to be back to more frequent blogging after the holiday. In the meantime, eat lots, drink lots, laugh lots and enjoy all the wonders of the season. I sure plan to. Merry Christmas!!

Share my Christmas pain

So I've mentioned before that I loves me some Christmas.

That said, there are certain elements of Christmas that make me want to hang myself from the rafters with a string of blinking lights. Like? Wrapping gifts. Why is it that I can surround myself with 10 rolls of tape and 12 pens and neither can ever be found when needed?

And then there is the fact that the lower third of my lovely tree needs to be reassembled every night because my chlldren cannot resist plucking everything within their reach off of it every damn day.

And of course it's always really fun to realize four days before Christmas that I have not yet purchased a gift for my father. Ooops.

But the biggest source of my Christmas misery is—hands down—bad Christmas music. While I love 90% of all Christmas songs, there are several unbelievably annoying holiday songs that get under my skin either due to their utter stupidity or total schmaltz. In the first category I would include Dominick the Donkey, which Chingedy Ching, I would love to throttle the idiot who came up with this song. The New York stations LOOVE this too. I swear I must hear it every fucking time I'm in the car.

Then there is the one about the angel on top of the Christmas tree who screams out in pain when the tree goes up its ass. Yep. Because NOTHING says Christmas like the idea of a beautiful angel being rendered and tortured anally. It just makes me want to break out the cookies and cocoa.

But the worst offender in the second category is Christmas Shoes. I will never be able to express my disdain for this song as well as
Lumpyhead did on her blog, so I'm just going to send you there. But let me say that next year's letter to Santa will include a request to NEVER, EVER have to listen to this cloying piece of crapola again. Unfortunately, I think I have a better shot at achieving World Peace.

Ahh, the bliss of childhood innocence

Conversation in the car tonight:

Peanut: Mommy, should we get another baby?
Me: Another baby? You think we should have another baby?
Peanut: YES! Let's get one.
Me: I don't think so, honey. It takes a long time to get a baby and they're a lot of work.
Peanut: But then we'd have two babies. (Note: She's counting Loaf as one baby here).
Me: Exactly. That's a lot of work, especially for Mommy. First I have to carry the baby, then have the baby, then feed the baby. I really don't think we're having another baby.
Peanut: ::considering all this for a moment::
Daddy could do all that and we'll just play with her.
Me: ::struggling desperately to maintain control of the car while laughing hysterically::
HA!! If only.

Bizzaro marriage

Right now, my husband is busy hanging our new drapes in the kitchen while I goof off on the computer. The picture could only be more completely bizarro if I were looking at porn. Heh.

The long and short of it

The shortest 60 minutes of my day: The one-hour period beginning at midnight, when I crawled back into bed after comforting Loaf, until 1 a.m. when she woke up again in need of more comfort. An hour? It felt like I'd closed my eyes for 5 minutes.

The longest 60 seconds of my day: The minute that passed from 1:16 a.m. to 1:17 a.m. after I put Loaf back down to sleep and tried to make an absolutely stealth, silent exit from her room, moving so slowly that only time-lapse photography would pick up the slow slide of each foot on the floor, praying with each second that she would sleep, stay asleep, shhh, sleep baby sleep, until finally reaching the threashhold and pulling the door closed behind me, griping the doorknob in my hand and letting it turn one milimeter at a time so there would be not even the slightest audible click as it came to rest in the strikeplate.

My letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

About a week ago, I wrote you a note on behalf of my eldest daughter outlining her Christmas wishes. And while I can hardly wait for her to receive the baby doll carseat (for Blanket), the TMX Elmo and the train table, I thought maybe, if it’s not too much trouble, you could pack your sleigh with a few things for Yours Truly.

After all, I’ve been pretty good this year. Sure, I’ve maybe yelled at my kids a bit more than I’d like, but I’ve also read them endless stories, played countless rounds of hide and seek and logged many hours when no human should rightfully be awake rubbing Peanut’s back or standing with the twenty-something pound Loaf pressed against my chest until either one was finally again in a sound sleep.

I also stopped short of flipping off that guy who cut me off in traffic last night, causing me to slam on my brakes. I also did not smack the idiot check-out girl at Kohl's yesterday who deemed it too much trouble to say hello, look me in the eye for even 1 second or thank me for shopping at that shitty store (sorry, I'm working on the cursing). Unless I’m in the most pressing type of rush, I hold the door for other people and say “thank you” when others hold it for me. I am usually kind to people, even when they don't deserve it, and always to animals. I reduce, reuse and recycle. I respond to all my emails in a prompt manner (I'm working on returning phone calls with the same promptness, but I swear it's not intentional).

So please, here are a few of the things my heart most desires. I hope you’ll take my wishes under consideration:

1. A clone – I really need this so I can devote more time to my kids, to work, to my husband and to myself. A clone would also prevent me from taking half a week to respond to a simple meme when tagged by the fabulous Mrs. Chicken. As an alternative, you could lengthen the day. I’m sure I’m not the only one who would appreciate that.

2. A good, reliable babysitter—We’re looking now so just give us a little magic blessing and hopefully we’ll find the right person so that we can start having date nights more than twice a year. Maybe one of the elves or Mrs. Claus is looking to pick up some off-season work?

3. A six pack—I’m not talking beer here. I want flat, hard abs. And I’d like to get them while still eating the occasional pizza and chocolate. I’m counting on you for this one.

4. A crate of Dove Dark Chocolate—See above.

5. My sweet baby girl back—This preschooler? This wild, 3-and-a-half-year-old, talking back, throwing things, having hissy fits, and dramatically screaming “NOOOO! I DON’T WANT TO!” is not nearly as much fun as the sweet ray of sunshine I birthed and raised for three years prior to this month. Please help.

6. Children who sleep—You know, I really think I’ve paid my dues on this one. There was Peanut, who would not nap anywhere but in my arms for the six months of her life. And then Loaf, who did not sleep through the night (and technically still doesn’t) until she was over a year old. And lately? Peanut getting up at 4:30 a.m. and Loaf crying in her crib for an hour and half instead of napping and then crying again from about 3 to 4 a.m. is really sucking. I just want them to sleep from 8:30 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. every night until they are out of the house. I don’t think that’s asking too much, do you?

7. World peace—What’s a wish list without this one? I’d be remiss to include it.

8. A play room—I can’t tell you how happy it would make me to wake up Christmas morning to find a large Play Room complete w/ storage bins, shelves, a blackboard, and indescructible carpeting attached to my house. While you’re at it, why not tack on a mud room too? I’m sick of tripping over the 18 pairs of shoes piled at front door.

OK. I know some of that stuff is probably asking a bit much. I mean really? A clone? A child that doesn’t talk back? World peace? I realize these things might be a bit difficult to attain, so I’ll end my list with something a little more manageable that I’m confident can be bought and purchased in an actual brick-and-mortar store:



So really, that’s it. I know it’s a lot, but if there’s anyone who can deliver, I figure it’s gotta be a man who zips around the world in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer, dropping off toys to all the good girls and boys without ever once being sighted or getting lost. Thanks Santa! Looking forward to Christmas morning!

Now, tag to Diane!

Holiday spirit

Christmas has arrived at the Gav household.

Admire my pretty tree:



And my pretty children:



Oh and this site? Absolutely cracks me up.