Principles I have abandoned since becoming a parent

As parents, there are a number core values that we would like to instill in our children. Be truthful. Work hard. Be fair. And we all know modeling is very important in child rearing. They follow our example. Which is why it’s important to exhibit the values we wish to transfer.

That, however, is much easier said than done and I have had to compromise my values and principles quite a bit in the last four years. Here are just a few examples:

Justice
Innocent until proven guilty? Not in my house.
The girls are playing together in the next room. Suddenly, I hear Loaf crying and screeching “NOOO!” Without even bothering to investigate I scream, “Peanut! Knock it off.”

Fairness
In this house, you get what you get and you don’t get upset. Examples:
“She got more raisins than me! I can tell!”
“If you think for even one second that I’m going to stand here and individually count out raisins, you are sadly mistaken.”
alternate
“I’m sorry that your piece of the sandwich is .124 inches larger than hers. Stop crying and eat.”

Privacy
I’m sitting on the toilet when the bathroom door bursts open.
“Hi Mommy? Whatcha doin’?”
This is so normal to me that I launch into a conversation as if I have been talking to people while sitting on the toilet all my life.

Modesty
I’m getting dressed in the morning. Loaf comes right up – face inches from my naked body.
“What’s that?”
Being the good mom, I make no effort to cover up and launch into a straightforward discussion of women’s body parts.

Truth
“If you keep eating stuff off the ground, your teeth will turn black and fall out.”
‘Nuff said on that one.

Dignity
I realize halfway through my aerobics class that Loaf’s poopy diaper leaked a bit onto my t-shirt when I carried her inside. Decide at this point, it really doesn’t matter and finish class.
alternate
Contort self, with butt in air, to crawl under the car in the school parking lot in front of all the other moms to retrieve a dropped sippy cup.

Cleanliness
“Did I last shower yesterday? Or was it the day before?”

Freedom of choice
“While your swimsuit looks really great with your tutu, tights and rainboots, there is no way you can wear that outfit to school. Even if it raining outside.”

Freedom of speech
“Young lady, I don’t know where you heard that, but we do NOT use that word in this house.”

Intellect
I have to set the buzzer to ensure I don’t “forget” to pick up the kids from school. Some days, one could argue, there may be a little subconscious at work there, but really I think it’s just that I’ve gotten a lot stupider since giving birth.