So I’m reading the new Harry Potter book. Unlike the legions of fans who picked up their book in the wee hours of Saturday morning and finished it by the time they poured their morning coffee, I have only reached page 158.
I am desperately
DESPERATELY trying to avoid spoilers so that I can discover the story on my own, but that is proving to be quite a challenge.
Yesterday at a family gathering, my brother-in-law, upon learning I’d started the book on the car ride to the party (don’t worry, I was in the passenger seat), became desperate to tell me the last three words of the book.
I know how it ends! I know! Want to know what the last three words are? Want to? I can tell you how it ends. I literally threatened to kick him in the balls if he spilled and I was only partly joking. Even with his manhood threatened by my platform espadrilles, he still pushed the issue until I walked out of the room with my fingers jammed several inches into my ears.
Then, while listening to NPR on the way to work this morning, they chime in with a segment that starts giving away key plot points. On NPR! What the fuck?
The story started innocently enough with a recap of the reporter’s two-and-a-half hour wait behind 1,400 other people to buy the book Saturday morning. Then he reads the opening paragraph followed by, “On page 72, (insert plot point here)”, at which point I smacked the “off” button my radio whilst uttering several choice swear words.
I know the release of the book is a huge media event and I know I’m a slacker compared to the thousands of people who already finished the book. In all likelihood, I won’t finish until later this week given everything on my plate for the next few days.
But why do people feel the need to spoil it for those of us who didn’t have the whole weekend to lounge around reading? Do they just like to look like know-it-alls? Is there some type of superiority thing about bursting someone else’s bubble? Were they not held or cuddled enough as children? Or maybe they're just plain mean?
I don’t know the answers, but I’m starting to think I have to go into a total media blackout until I finish it: no newspapers, no TV, no Web. So if anything really big happens like a government coup or an earthquake that lops off Cape Cod or something, can someone please call me? I probably won’t be answering the phone either, but I’ll try to check my messages in between chapters.
Labels: Harry Hotter
