The film? The new Pixar flick Wall-E.
It all started when Peanut spotted a full-page ad in the newspaper last weekend.
"Oooooh, what's that?" she asked, tracing her fingers around the robot's sad little eyes.
"That's an ad for a new movie about a robot who falls in love. What do you think?"
"I think he is adorable. Can we rent it?"
I explained that it was only in the theaters right now, but we could rent it in a few months. But the Wall-E talk persisted, and soon Loaf joined in.
"Aw, look at dat little robot, Mom!" Loaf cooed, leaning over the ad to plant a smooshy kiss on Wall-E. "I wuv him."
Then all the five-star reviews started coming out, and my interest level went up quite a bit. They hadn't gone to the theater yet, and they can sit through a movie at home (mostly) so I figured why not? I searched the local theaters for a showing in the early afternoon, after lunch, figuring a matinee is bound to be full of kids and they'd do better on a nice, full tummy.
We reviewed movie rules:
1. No talking, and if you do talk, it has to be important and it has to be a whisper. We practiced whispering for good measure.
2. You must sit in your seat. No standing, no getting up and running around, no musical chairs. You sit. You watch.
"No talking, Mommy. Got it," Loaf proclaimed.
"We'll be good," promised Peanut.
So how'd it go? Let my lessons learned tell the rest of the story:
1. Perhaps, just perhaps, a movie about a robot with little to no dialogue and a sophisticated plot is not the best choice for the under five set. Next time, look for something with talking animals. Or princesses. Or both.
2. There is no way to entertain bored preschoolers in a dark theater. Except for snacks. But once they're gone? You're screwed.
3. Pointing to the screen and saying enthusiastically, "WOW! Look what Wall-E is doing!" only works once or twice. Especially when all Wall-E ever really does is roll around and squeak. After that, you start to take on a bit of the-boy-who-cried-wolf syndrome. And they know it.
4. A small three-year-old girl is not heavy enough to prevent a standard theater seat from folding up. Your right arm will cramp up and fall asleep holding the corner of it down for over two hours.
5. The rule about standing up and moving around will be quickly abandoned. The effectiveness of reminders and threats is inversely proportional to the child's boredom level. In other words, give it up and just be happy they're not talking. Or screaming.
6. Bored children like to sit in your lap.
7. Two children on your lap means you will not see large sections of the movie.
8. No matter how bad your kids are, someone else's will undoubtedly be worse. (I'm looking at you Mr. "NOOO MOMMY I HATE YOU YOU BIG TURD" from the back of theater. Thank you very much. You made me feel like Mom of The Year.)
9. Regardless of how bored your kids were, they will come home and tell you they loved the movie and ask if they can go see it again. (I think they just liked the snacks).
So have you seen it? Thoughts? I actually thought it was great. What I saw of it anyway.
Labels: Adventures in Parenting