The V-Word
Driving home in the car yesterday with our new dog (because when life gives you chaos, why not ramp it up even more?), the girls and I were having a discussion about spaying and neutering animals: what it is, why it's important, etc.
Peanut observed that spaying involves cutting into the female cat's stomach, thus making the cat's stomach sensitive to the touch for many years afterward. I piped in with, "That's right. You know, when you were born, they had to cut into my stomach to get you out and the scar is still sensitive all these years later."
Lately, Loaf has taken to tormenting Peanut whenever possible. I always knew this day would come: revenge for all the taunting she took as a baby, I suppose. So she looks squarely at Peanut and in her most accusatory tone says, "That was for you, Peanut. I came out the right way."
ME: Loaf, do you know what 'the right way' is? How were you born?
LOAF: Through your vagina.
PEANUT: (joyfully) That's right, Loaf. You came out of Mommy's biscuit.
ME: (to myself) WHAT?!?!?
TO PEANUT: Where did you hear that term?
PEANUT: (giggling) I don't know.
LOAF: (Insert name of sweet little girl with outstanding parents) told us!
ME: (to myself) WHAT?!?!?
PEANUT: No! She didn't tell me. Maybe she told Loaf but (insert name of other sweet little girl who also has outstanding parents) told me!
ME: (to myself) Oy.
OK, listen girls. Whoever is using terms like that, well, it doesn't sound very smart. The correct word is vagina. And if we're being really correct, the word is vulva, because that includes all your girl parts down there. Do you understand?
BOTH: (reluctantly, complete with verbal eyerolls) Yessss.
Several seconds of radio silence.
LOAF: (accusingly) Peanut, I was born out of Mommy's volcano. You weren't.
PEANUT: It's not her volcano, it's her vulvana.
ME: (to myself) GAH! Maybe whoever came up with "biscuit" was on to something.
* * *
Dog pictures coming soon. He is a black lab, very sweet but completely insane. We have adopted "Marley's" second cousin evidently.
Peanut observed that spaying involves cutting into the female cat's stomach, thus making the cat's stomach sensitive to the touch for many years afterward. I piped in with, "That's right. You know, when you were born, they had to cut into my stomach to get you out and the scar is still sensitive all these years later."
Lately, Loaf has taken to tormenting Peanut whenever possible. I always knew this day would come: revenge for all the taunting she took as a baby, I suppose. So she looks squarely at Peanut and in her most accusatory tone says, "That was for you, Peanut. I came out the right way."
ME: Loaf, do you know what 'the right way' is? How were you born?
LOAF: Through your vagina.
PEANUT: (joyfully) That's right, Loaf. You came out of Mommy's biscuit.
ME: (to myself) WHAT?!?!?
TO PEANUT: Where did you hear that term?
PEANUT: (giggling) I don't know.
LOAF: (Insert name of sweet little girl with outstanding parents) told us!
ME: (to myself) WHAT?!?!?
PEANUT: No! She didn't tell me. Maybe she told Loaf but (insert name of other sweet little girl who also has outstanding parents) told me!
ME: (to myself) Oy.
OK, listen girls. Whoever is using terms like that, well, it doesn't sound very smart. The correct word is vagina. And if we're being really correct, the word is vulva, because that includes all your girl parts down there. Do you understand?
BOTH: (reluctantly, complete with verbal eyerolls) Yessss.
Several seconds of radio silence.
LOAF: (accusingly) Peanut, I was born out of Mommy's volcano. You weren't.
PEANUT: It's not her volcano, it's her vulvana.
ME: (to myself) GAH! Maybe whoever came up with "biscuit" was on to something.
* * *
Dog pictures coming soon. He is a black lab, very sweet but completely insane. We have adopted "Marley's" second cousin evidently.
posted by Kimberly at
8:16 AM
5 Comments:
Thank you for the laugh! I am in awe the girls already know that word!!! I wonder what my girl knows that she hasn't shared with me yet :-P
Made me think of this talk from Ted 2010 where a comedian explains it to her daughter:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ysxz5Ug70G0
Awesome. I say "vulva" and Will says "tinklepot." TINKLEPOT. (Makes biscuit sound better, doesn't it?)
Ry calls it her front bum. Love it!
Oh, thank you. Not only for reinforcing my belief in using the right words, but also for admitting to the uphill battle that it really is. I'm laughing out loud.
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