The latest in manicure fashion
Yes, I am totally the coolest person ever. Really. Only the truly cool wear the center of a Sesame Street bandage permanently glued to their thumbnail like this:
Here's how you can be cool too:
1. While cutting up a bagel into 60 pieces so your toddler can eat it without choking to death, start talking to your other child and let the knife carelessly slip across the top of your thumbnail, slicing it partway across the nail bed.
2. Walk around like this for several days, continuously catching the edge of your partly severed thumbnail on various objects and each time screeching out in pain like you are on fire.
3. Decide to try to hold thumbnail together by wearing bandage around it 24/7.
4. When bandage keeps coming off at most inopportune moments, vow to fix severed nail bed by gluing it together. Use Gorilla Glue and wrap bandage around it while glue is still wet.
5. Realize, several hours later, that Glue seems to have permanently adhered bandage to your thumbnail. For full horrific effect, use Sesame Street bandage with giant Elmo face on it. ACK!
6. Try to gently pull bandage remnant off thumbnail, but realize no way is that bad boy coming off without taking the entire top of your partly severed thumbnail with it.
7. Give up and embrace the nasty, getting-more-brown-by-the-day bandage vowing to love it until it finally grows out, which in your estimation, could be weeks.
8. Do your best to be all, "I want this here; all the cool kids are doing it," when people ask you about it.
Here's how you can be cool too:
1. While cutting up a bagel into 60 pieces so your toddler can eat it without choking to death, start talking to your other child and let the knife carelessly slip across the top of your thumbnail, slicing it partway across the nail bed.
2. Walk around like this for several days, continuously catching the edge of your partly severed thumbnail on various objects and each time screeching out in pain like you are on fire.
3. Decide to try to hold thumbnail together by wearing bandage around it 24/7.
4. When bandage keeps coming off at most inopportune moments, vow to fix severed nail bed by gluing it together. Use Gorilla Glue and wrap bandage around it while glue is still wet.
5. Realize, several hours later, that Glue seems to have permanently adhered bandage to your thumbnail. For full horrific effect, use Sesame Street bandage with giant Elmo face on it. ACK!
6. Try to gently pull bandage remnant off thumbnail, but realize no way is that bad boy coming off without taking the entire top of your partly severed thumbnail with it.
7. Give up and embrace the nasty, getting-more-brown-by-the-day bandage vowing to love it until it finally grows out, which in your estimation, could be weeks.
8. Do your best to be all, "I want this here; all the cool kids are doing it," when people ask you about it.
Labels: dumb injuries, I am so cool
posted by Kimberly at
3:41 PM
2 Comments:
Just accidentilly came across your blog and couldn't stop laughing after reading this post! Thanks for the uplift to my day! I'll keep the advice in mind after I have another child!
Christina-Mom of Hannah Grace 1yr
Hee! Yes, I recommend plastic utensils until they are both over the age of five. :-)
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