A friendly reminder of why it's not nice to label people

Just over 20 years ago, (<--I know) I pledged a sorority.

Over the years, I have periodically found myself having to defend that decision to people who think sororities are outdated, or elitist, or petty, or conformist. I have heard all the labels associated with “sorority girls:” Stupid. Slutty. Snobby. Superficial.

I even once had someone snidely ask me if I could not make "my own" friends and thus had to buy them.

The stereotypes are astounding and, quite frankly, an outrage. What’s more, they often come from the same people who are horrified by the use of racial or ethnic slurs. Why they feel these types of prejudices are acceptable, when others clearly aren’t, is beyond me. As we all know, stereotypes are dangerous - and based on ignorance.

So for all of those ready to level any of the above stereotypes at me, or my sisters, consider this your education.

“Diverse” is the only generalization I can truly direct at my sisters. Some of us were brainy, others struggled in school. Some of us had steady boyfriends all through college, others played the field, others barely dated at all. Some of us played sports, others couldn’t catch a ball to save our lives. Some of us partied, others hardly ever went out past midnight. We were white, black, Indian and Hispanic.

This past weekend, some recent alumni and the current sisters planned a huge reunion during our college’s annual Homecoming.

Dozens of alumni sisters attended, spanning more than 20 years of graduating classes. The college said we were the largest group to pre-register for any event at any Homecoming weekend ever. Wow.

Catching up with my sisters – many of whom I have not seen in 10, even 15 years, was a thrill. We laughed, we reminisced, we ate, we drank, we stayed up late and we reveled in each other’s company.

What’s more, the shared experience of the sorority resulted in instant bonding with the current sisters and younger alumni. I not only caught up with old friends, I made a host of new ones as well.

One of Saturday’s receptions featured a 25-minute slide show of photos through the years. I didn’t even know some of the women in the pictures, but I could not take my eyes off it. They remain the incredible group I became a part of so many years ago. Steeped in tradition, fiercely close, I have no doubt they’ll be back in 20 years – rejoicing in each other.

Sunday came too fast and I drove away from them all with a heavy heart.

Through the years, we have been there for each other through weddings and divorces. Babies and struggles with infertility. Birthday celebrations and serious illnesses.

To boil this amazing experience that I have had down to one nasty little phrase is beyond rude. So stop it, please.

Doing so insults my friends. My confidants. My partners-in-crime. My shoulders to lean on.

My sisters.

To my dear, dear college friends:

Hi friends,

I know a lot of you read my blog. At least that's what you tell me, and my site meter seems to confirm that. (Your towns in places like New Hampshire, Maryland, western New York and Florida all regularly appear there).

So let's do a little test, shall we?

I've been thinking about you all a lot today. I miss you. We don't get together or chat as much as any of us would like, but I understand that's because we're all busy. Most of us are parents and even those of who aren't have active, demanding, full schedules.

But today I thought of you even more than usual.

Do you know why?

Are you ready for this? (Get ready to be shocked and awed).

we graduated from college 17 years ago today

Yeah.

I thought, briefly, about keeping that bit of information to myself. I thought maybe some (or all) of you had forgotten that little anniversary. It's easy for me to remember because tomorrow is my husband's birthday and I remember graduating the day before. May 19, 1991. A date that will live in infamy, at least for me.

I thought, briefly, "Why make everyone else wallow in this sad bit of information? Why not just keep it to myself and spare everyone else the painful realization that we are all nearly two decades out of college?"

But then I thought about the old days, when we'd push each other's buttons (in good fun, of course), name-calling and gently poking at each other. I remember when we were all turning twentysomething and we made it a point to send the most obnoxious "old age" birthday cards we could find to each other. I got a lot of those cards. A lot.

Payback is a bitch, baby.

::evil grins::

Reunion: Part Two

Don’t you love how I am milking this reunion for three posts in a row? Ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

Last night was the formal part of my reunion. The turnout was great—lots of people from a number of different “groups.” And what was best of all? The groups melded and blended and I talked with people I hardly spoke with in high school, which was extremely cool. People overall have aged really well – there are so many beautiful women in my class and everyone was really friendly, fun and in the mood to have a great time.

I am exhausted, having gotten less than four hours sleep last night, so this is going to have to do for tonight. Here are a few photos, along with some of my favorite moments and lines from the night:





At my mom's house before the big event.

- Sitting up on a couch on a stage behind the DJ with two of my best girlfriends, putting my arms around them and saying, “Yep, I’m just chillin’ wit my bitches.”

- The room’s explosion of cheers when my friend Jen walked in carrying a tray loaded with shots.

- Opening up the dance floor, and closing the dance floor, with a group of my best friends.



My very, very good friend Kim. Isn't she adorable?

- Boy I once had a crush on: I’m buying you this drink to make up for all the times I was mean to you.
Me (jokingly): It’s going to take a lot more drinks so keep them coming.

- Girl to a man who shaves his head bald and has a graying goatee (and who looks great by the way): You look exactly the same as you did in high school! (He was clean shaven and had a full head of hair).
That man’s wife (looking at him): He does?!?

- Cool break dancing by my friend Marc.

- Singing the “Grease” megamix and acting out all the various dance moves with several students who were in our senior year production of “Grease.”

- Catching up with my friend Mark on Friday night and hearing he is going to run the Boston Marathon this year! (Go Mark!)

- Hearing so many great things about my husband.
He’s so nice!
We love him! We’ve accepted him as one of our own.
What a great guy for taking all those pictures for us.
(Anyone who knows Mark can guess that he knew just as many people as me by the time the night was over).

- Friend (hugging me at the end of the night): I love you.
Me: I love you too. You’re one of my best friends and always will be.



Our table after our (first) round of shots.

Reunion: Part one

Last night was part one of my 20th class reunion.

So. Much. Fun.

It was casual - held in a local bar - and fairly small (maybe a couple of dozen people), but what a blast. It's so great to catch up with people and reminisce. I haven't laughed so much in a long time.

Tonight is the "formal" part of it - dinner and dancing at a local restaurant. Even more people will be there and I can't wait. Now that the ice is broken, it's time to really let loose. Stay tuned . . .

All those years ago

The leftover turkey and stuffing and cranberry chutney (which, by the way, were all amazing and delicious) are packed away and today we pack ourselves up and drive to Massachusetts so that I can attend my 20th high school class reunion.

I am excited (extremely), but oh my . . . 20 years?!? HOW? And WHERE? And most importantly, WHY?

I keep talking about all the "kids" I'm going to see again (because afterall, since I'm their age that makes me a kid too). I had a good time in high school. It wasn't the best time of my life, but it was a good time - good enough to revisit for a night every decade or so.

I've been thinking back on the memories from that part of my life this week and some of my favorites include:

- The trip I took to Washington D.C. as part of the Honor's Society. Staying up all night, running through the hotel, wrapping my friend Jen up in toilet paper like a mummy, touring the Nation's Capital and photographing really important stuff like Archie Bunker's chair and Judy Garland's ruby slippers. So fun.

- The day my friend Steve tried to teach me to drive his father's ancient, no-power-steering Bronco on a back road in Vermont and I panicked and drove it straight into a ditch.

- Since my best friend Kim and I were pretty much inseparable, everyone called us Double Kim or Kim Squared.

- Slamming my friend Steve's (yes, same Steve as above) fingers in a locker and nearly severing the top of one. (Miraculously, Steve still spoke me years later and even came to my wedding. He's a very forgiving guy).

- Sitting out back behind the school between classes on a beautiful spring day with my friend Mark and daydreaming about the future.

- Parties (lots of them) at the end of dirt roads way up in the woods.

- Parties (even more) at my friend Pete's house where everyone would stay over and eat breakfast together the next day.

- Going to the prom with my friend Jay.

- A certain friend of mine (unnamed to protect the guilty) becoming convinced that a weed growing in my backyard was pot and trying to dry and smoke it. I also went on a number of dates with that friend and her boyfriend (at her request) to "protect" her.

- Eating lunch every day with Kim, Shelly, Jen, Jill, Shannon, Missy and a host of others – laughing at silly, ridiculous things, and worrying about things that turned out to be so inconsequential.

Cheers to all of my good friends from the past – looking forward to catching up with lots of you over the weekend!

My child: social butterfly

In the past week, Peanut has received not one, not two, but FIVE invitations to upcoming birthday parties.



It seems that in addition to saving for college, we need to immediately open a savings account in order to provide a steady stream of birthday gifts to area children. We also apparently should forgo all hopes of having a social life of our own and resign ourselves to the fact that all of our weekends forvermore will be dedicated to driving Miss Popular around to various social events.

I remember the days when Mark and I went to parties where there was alcohol and loud music, and not a balloon, cupcake or person dressed as a cartoon character anywhere in sight.

::le sigh::

Finer with age

Mark and I had a group of our college friends over to our house on Saturday. We haven’t seen some of these people in four to five years and yet we all managed to pick right up where we left off—laughing at the stupid, wild and ridiculous (but very fun) things we did in college, talking about the crazy (but fun) people we work and socialize with now, and watching the kids run around the yard and make crowns out of foam board and feathers.

One observation several of us made is that we’re all aging pretty well (you know, because we are definitely the most objective group to make that assessment). No but seriously, we really are. No one has any really serious wrinkle issues and while some of us cough, cough confess to smothering our grays with a good hair dye, that’s the only sign of aging we have at this point.

Sitting around our dining room table, sipping wine from crystal goblets and noshing on cheesecake, we laughed about how this scene would have seemed so foreign to us all when we were in school. Back then fine dining was $1 spaghetti night at Cavallo's (and in case you didn’t notice, approximately 16 years of inflation has raised that price to a whopping $1.50.) A high-end alcoholic beverage probably meant Sam Adams from a bottle vs. Miller Lite in a keg.

I wish we could all get together more often, but we all know how that goes . . . life just gets going. In fact, this is a gathering I’ve been thinking about for at least a year, maybe two, but I never did anything about until now. And I’m so glad I did. It’s so important to reconnect with people in your life who you enjoy spending time with, even if it’s only once in a while.

I think my friend Linda said it best. “I might not be the best at e-mailing or keeping in touch, but I smile and think of you all often and always wish everyone the best.”

Right back at you – all of you.